Imagine a big guy with a rubber mallet in your chest and he’s banging on a steel drum. That’s what it felt like the first time AJ touched me. I didn’t feel it with my first boyfriend and I sure didn’t feel it with my husband the first time. I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. My son AJ was standing behind me. He kissed me on the neck and then reached into the top of my blouse and gently held my nipple between his fingers. He said “That’s the most beautiful thing I ever saw”, took his hand out and left without another word.

I was dumbfounded. It happened so fast and it was so surreal, I wondered if it really happened. It happened; my nipple still tingled.

Do you remember that rhyme you sang as you bounced the ball under your leg?
‘A’ my name is Alice and my husband’s name is Al.
We live in Acton and we sell apples.

In the game you went on to ‘B’; in my life I stopped at ‘A’. My name is Alice and my husband’s name is Andy and my son’s names are Andy jr. (AJ) and Alex and we take care of apartments. The ‘A’ thing just happened because my father who lives with us is named Alex and it made him happy to have my second son named after him.

AJ and Alex are so different; you would think they’re not only from different families but from different planets. Alex never says a word and always wants to be alone while AJ is warm, loving, handsome…this leads me to the difficulty. I love Alex but I’ve fallen in love with AJ.

As for my husband: he’s more interested in Mrs. Green who’s faucet always needs attention; (I think something else is dripping but I really don’t give a tinkers dam) we lost contact a long time ago.

AJ works with my husband and when he came home that night I asked him to come down to the laundry room to help me with the supplies. As we went down in the elevator, I said, “What was that all about this morning”?

“Mom, I’m not a kid and I’ve been out with a lot of girls. I know how a girl acts when she likes me. I hear the things you say and I see the way you look at me; it’s more than a mother looking at her son. I know Dad’s screwing the tenants (So it wasn’t only the Green bitch) and I gave him hell for it.

“Thank you baby but that doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just a business arrangement between him and me now.”

“Well he’s a shit anyway but I’m telling you ma, I know how you feel and I feel the same way.” He put his hands on my arms and the electricity started going through me. You have to understand, being touched for me is not like it is for most people. Some people’s hearing is better than others; some can smell things from a mile away while another person can’t smell it even if it’s under their nose. All of my skin is sensitive. That’s why I take off my bra whenever I can. That’s why my clothes are loose and silky and add to that that it’s my son’s hand that’s sliding over my breast and I’m already climbing the walls.

AJ takes my hand and leads me to the supply room and locks the door. It’s dark, warm, and wet: with stacks of detergent boxes and broken appliances on the floor and tools hanging on the walls. Who cares? AJ is kissing me. AJ is kissing me with the lover’s kisses I’ve been aching for. AJ is touching me and I’m alive. Everyplace his hand reaches seems to tremble on its own. Each breast is his as he fondles me. He lifts the dress and his hands are in my panties describing the curve from my waist down to back of my thighs. When he gets between my legs I’m electrified. I’m lost as he turns me and I bend over with my arms out over the old washing machine. He enters me from behind and I’m transported. I’m filled with my son and my legs are shaking.

“This is how I have you in my fantasy, mom: down here just like this.” As he pushes deeper up into my belly he tells me of the nights he’s spent and the things he’s done to me in this room. As he talks to me they become my fantasies too.

I can feel when he’s about to come and I want to come with him. I reach down to touch myself and as I feel the first spurts, I take myself over. The coming is so exquisite it almost hurts. As we’re coming down and my love is kissing my neck for the second time today, I’m hoping nobody was doing their laundry. Even though it’s a steel door, we made a lot of noise at the end.

He kisses me with love and touches me again; his gentle hands on my face tell me it was more than just a moment’s lust. I kiss him with my heart as his mother and his lover.

We go back upstairs and the usual dinnertime buzz is starting but I’m in another place. It’s almost excruciating to say and do what I’ve been saying and doing for years. I want to talk to AJ. I want to be with AJ. I want to touch AJ. Finally there’s a moment where we’re alone in the kitchen. “AJ we have to talk about all this.”

He comes up to me and says “sure mom but I’d rather kiss you”. His lips are on me and I’m sparked by his tongue but I pull back.

“AJ please, I want to kiss you too but please not here; it’s complicated enough without making things crazier. Go down to the park and I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

I went to the end of the small park where my son was sitting on a bench waiting for me. It was getting dark enough and there were only a few kids hanging out. We had our kiss. “AJ what are we doing?”

“Mom, you know and I know and the hell with dad and anybody else.”

“Baby, it’s not him but your brother and poppa wouldn’t understand and neither would the people we work for and on and on.”

“Mom, are you sorry…”

“Baby I’m not sorry; I don’t want to be without you but we have to know what we’re doing. Just think about it AJ; you came in me and I’ve been off the pill for six months. What if I get pregnant?”

“I wouldn’t care; I’m sure you’re beautiful when you’re pregnant.”

Alice laughed, “You know what I mean”.

He teased her and cupped her breast. “You mean these get even bigger; that I’d like to see.”

“Oh AJ…”

“Look mom, do you think I could not touch you again, or stop loving you? Tomorrow I’ll get something or you go back on the pill and we’re going to find a way to be together even if I have to drag you down to the supply room at midnight.”

I saw the flash in his eyes when he spoke and I said, “Sweet baby you’ll never have to drag me anywhere if I know you’re going to make love to me”. We kissed like school kids and when we were sure nobody was around, we touched each other until we came.

The next day was Sunday so everyone was in and out of the apartment. I was so needy and almost out of control. I never remember getting wet like that just thinking about someone and I was sure that everyone around me knew. The crazy thing was that that we did end up in the supply room again.

AJ wouldn’t or couldn’t stop touching me. Whenever no one was around he would fondle my breasts or try to slip his hands under my dress. I begged him to stop; he begged me to take off my panties. He teased me and ‘blackmailed’ me. “Mom, if you love me you would do anything for me. There’s nothing you can’t ask me to do; if you said I should lick you in the middle of the living room, I’d do it. And you wouldn’t do this little thing for me?”

He was playing but the truth is there is nothing he could ask that I wouldn’t do and I want to spend forever proving it. This was silly but I took off my panties. At one point we were in the kitchen and he stood behind me and put his finger in me. I got so nervous and turned on that I told him to follow me to supply room. I spread five or six blankets on the floor. I took my dress and bra off. I was on my knees when he came in. “Come to me my beautiful boy” I said.

I unbuckled him and undid him. I wanted to do all the things I never wanted to do with other men. He felt like velvet in my mouth and I loved what it did to him. I wanted him to come like he never came with another woman. I wanted to be the woman in all his fantasies. I’d never tasted a man this way before. It gave me as much pleasure as it did my son.

The next evening AJ went out without a word and naturally I had to ‘explain’ that I was going shopping. We met and went to a movie across town. AJ loves to kiss – I’m not complaining. I felt like I was back in high school. He kissed me raw for about a half hour and I couldn’t take anymore and said, “Let’s go to a motel”.

There was a convention in town and at the third place they only had two suites. The first took AJ’s card over the limit but the cheaper one went through. We were on our first bed and he loved me until my hair was matted and my body dripping with sweat. He went into the bathroom and came out with a lotion to use as a lubricant. I knew what he wanted.

I never understood why a woman would want a man there but after the initial shock I realized two things: it felt good because my son wanted me that way, and it felt good.

When he first entered me I thought of Jane, a woman I was friendly with a few years ago. She confided in me that she had let (made?) her son suck her breasts as he grew up. I thought it was bizarre. Now here I was in the honeymoon suite on my hands and knees with my son in my behind. So Jane, how’s that for bizarre. I thought “You don’t get more bizarre than this” and then I remembered that AJ came in me the first time. Where does having your son’s baby rate on a scale of one to ten?

This all flashed in a few seconds and then I stopped thinking. I only felt: him in me, filling that small passage, his hands gliding over my skin touching off my nipples. He opened my flower and found me with his finger so I could come as he did. He kissed and bit my back and gave his mother his love. We collapsed and slept.

We awoke and I looked at the clock. Christ, who shops until eleven thirty? That was when I decided.

AJ stayed there overnight since he didn’t always come home. I went home and told poppa and Alex that I happened to meet Jane, and we blah, blah, blah and yes I should have called. I told my husband that I’d met someone and he was soon to be my ex – husband and he couldn’t have cared less.

I’m now in my own place and AJ has also moved out of there and is staying with a ‘friend’ until he gets his own place. Where we go from here I’m not sure but I’m sure we’ll go together.

We’re now working our way through the alphabet: we’ve done everything we can think of that starts with ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’ and ‘D’. When were through, we’ll start on ‘Alice’ again. We’re happy.