“Look at me planning, getting ahead of myself. I haven’t, we haven’t even talked about some of the real implications here. It’s all been about the end result, a baby. But there’s a lot to think about before we plunge ahead.”
“Like what, Mom? We talked it all out already about why we’re doing this.”
“Why in this matter is easy. Our motives are pure, but our method is less so. Don’t you realize we would be committing incest? That’s against all the rules. Even places without rules have that as a rule.”
“Mom, nobody has to know. Ever.”
“And another thing, I’m your mother. You might not even be able to, you know. But, I guess I’m used to that. And, as for me, I’ll be so embarrassed I might just die. I mean, I don’t want you to see me … naked.”
“Those are details, Mom. Let’s keep looking at the big picture.”
I would have worried a lot more about the details a month ago. Before my experiences with Auntie Lee and Mrs. Branch. Now, after being with them, I was sure that I would be able to perform my duty with my mother. Plus, I was fired up at the idea of getting rid of this empty feeling I had carried all my life. Looking for my other half and never finding it … her.
“The big picture is that someone else WOULD have to know. And that person is your father.”
“Dad! Why would we tell him? He’s the last guy I would want to know I’m doing this.”
“And, if I get pregnant—”
“When you get pregnant, not if.”
“And when I get pregnant, what do I tell him then? Divine intervention?”
“Sounds good. He would say ‘no’ in a second. You know him. Something like this? Mom, you and I are in this on a whole different level than Dad. It’s almost like he’s on the outside looking in. You’ve felt Michelle is waiting there. I’ve felt like she’s missing. How can we ever explain that these are real feelings to other people who won’t just pass them off as crazy? That’s what Dad would do.”
“You don’t know your dad as well as you think.”
“Dad would never approve of you getting pregnant with another guy, even if it’s me.”
“Well—I shouldn’t tell you this, but, after all our options ran out for artificial insemination, you father suggested I have sex with another man in order to get pregnant.”
“NO … WAY!”
“Yeah, some guy he knew. He even had me meet him. This was before I knew what your father was planning. I cut that plan short as soon as I knew what was going on.”
“Wow. Any other surprises.”
“At some of our therapy sessions, the doctor thought watching some ‘art films’ together may help your father’s dysfunction.”
“By art films you mean porno?”
“Could be.”
“And you did it. Watch I mean?”
“Watched, yes. ‘Did it’—no. They didn’t have any effect. On either of us. The stuff he picked was weird too. Something called cuckold. Made no sense to me and made me sad for the people in them.”
“So, in any way do you think Dad would be okay with me getting you pregnant?”
“Your dad is very concerned about me. He loves me and wants the best for our family. He knows how much I need a child, and he feels terrible that he hasn’t been able to produce another child. And he’ll feel the loss, the emptiness once you’re gone.”
“I think you have more confidence in how he thinks than I do.”
“I know him better than you do. I think you’ll find him very reasonable. He may say ‘no’ but he’ll be reasonable.
“So when do you ask him?”
“When do WE ask him? We’re in this together. If you don’t have the courage to face your father, can I expect you to have the courage to be a parent? Just remember, that’s what you’re bargaining for: parenthood.”
I couldn’t tell her I was already a parent. A father to Auntie Lee’s baby.
“So, We’ll ask together,” I relented. “The other thing is, well … how are YOU going to feel about when we do it? Will you be okay?”
“Finally, you care about your dear old mom. In reality, I’ll be embarrassed like I said, but I don’t have to perform like you do. You really have to produce something, like first an erection, and then—sperm. I have a passive role. I’m the collector. You do your job and mine will be taken care of. I won’t distract you at all; I’ll just be as still and quiet as possible. I’ve had plenty of practice at that with your father.” She laughed a little dejected laugh.
“Mom!”
“S’true! Sad, but true. I’ll have my thoughts on bringing my little girl back. That will sustain me, I’m sure.”
“So, ask him tonight?”
“Tonight,” she said.
***********************************
“Tonight” came too soon for me. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous, but I guess it was to be expected: how often does a boy get to ask his dad if he can have sex with his mother? And, by the way, get her pregnant?
“So what’s this all about?” Dad said as he eased into his recliner. “Make it quick; ball game’s coming on in a little bit. Gonna watch it with me? We won’t have many more nights together. You’ll be all the way across the country in another month. I’ll have to root double hard for both of us.”
“Sure, I’ll watch with you, Dad.” I bet he won’t care about the score after I tell him I want to “score” with Mom.
“So what’s the big news? You want to plan a baby shower for Lee? Right?”
“No,” Mom said. “But it is about a baby. I want to have a baby. You know that.”
“Oh boy,” Dad said. He got a sad look and brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed. I can only imagine that he thought Mom was going to go over the same stuff for the thousandth time, and he was going to feel bad again about not being able to help.
Mom smiled a nervous smile and said, “Well, your son has come up with a plan to make that happen. Tell him, Mike.”
WHAT! Mom was handing the ball to ME?
“What’s this? Something you learned in high school biology? Mike, we’ve seen every expert, doctor, herbalist, practitioner, witch doctor, and therapist this side of the Rockies. And, after all that, after all those hours, after all that money—nothing. There’s nothing, and I mean NOTHING you can say that I haven’t heard a dozen times before.”
“I want to get Mom pregnant, to have sex with her,” I said.
“I stand corrected,” Dad said.
“Now, Gavin, hear us out before you judge,” Mom said. I was happy she piped in.
“Zoey! You okay with this?”
Thankfully, Mom took over and launched into the whole thing: Michelle, destiny, pieces, wholes, sperm, egg, incomplete—everything. Dad sat there, not saying anything. He had a look on his face like he was watching someone backing up near a cliff and not knowing its there.
Mom ended with, “So, I ovulate on Tuesday. You know how regular I am. We’ll be as fully clothed as possible and get it done as quickly and efficiently as we can. It’ll almost be like it was a sperm donation in a doctor’s office. You can go down the club and not even be in the house. It’ll be all over and it’ll seem like it never happened. Except if it works and then we’ll have a new baby to love.”
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