Acting Out With Mom, A play of love turns to love-play, Listen to what she whispered in my ear…don’t just read it…hear it as I heard it…the warm air of her breath…her lips almost touching me…her fragrance surrounding me. Feel what a simple declarative sentence has the power to do. “I want you,” she said. Yes, she had said things like that to me before and yes, she had kissed me before in a more than motherly way…but that didn’t count did it? After all we were only acting.
My mother Connie was pretty well known in the community. She had starred in the local theater productions for about four years and I always ran lines with her. By the time she approached dress rehearsal, her emotions were at performance level. So when she said to me, “I want you,” I was stirred.
My heart beat with uncertainty along the drum line of acting and reality when our lips met. We read parts together even when there was no play to rehearse for. We had brought each other a measure of comfort with our special way of saying ‘You are loved.’ It was warm and safe when we kissed and touched. The controlled heightening of emotion and sexual feelings took us to a plateau where we both respected the dangerous edge…until that moment.
We didn’t break the kiss. Our lips met and we gently stayed in a magical place for a long moment. At that time we didn’t speak about it, it just became our way.
It would be foolish to say it wasn’t sexual but the mood was also loving and comforting. The first time I touched her breast, we were doing a scene that preceded the characters making love. She only wrapped her arms tighter around me and kissed me harder. When weeks later I attempted to reach under her bra to fondle her bare flesh she removed my hand. I didn’t do it again.
My mother’s last two relationships could better be termed, ‘train wrecks’ and the most I had given to other women had been a few months of my time and very little of myself. At that time, the fact that my relief came at my own hands after kissing and touching her was something I accepted. I was satisfied because I felt I was getting more from my mother’s warmth and love than I would from sex with a stranger. When my mother told me that she was happiest when we read together kept me going.
So when she told me she had met a ‘nice’ man at work and had enjoyed a few dates with him, I told her I was happy for her. I wasn’t. I wasn’t that mature. I was only thinking about me; I was afraid it would spoil our special times together. I met Tom and he really did seem sincere and ‘nice.’ Shit.
I wondered why she had hid the fact that she had gone out. I wondered if there had been more than just dates between them. I was of two minds…and both of them hurt my head. Maybe I should just be happy for her and let things be or maybe I couldn’t just let her go. Mind one never had a chance.
It was also at that time that mom told me about Sara. She was a woman in her fifties from India that lived with a man in our building. I assumed he was her husband. Mom told me Ravi was her son. Sara and Mom became friendly and spent quite a bit of time together. After a few months my mother confided that something was going on between Sara and Ravi. I said, “What do you mean?” She wouldn’t go into details but she hinted that their relationship was sexual.
I was turned on by that revelation and made it my business to befriend Ravi. I liked him and it really doesn’t take much to get a person to open up if you’re sincere with them. I remarked a few times how attractive I thought his mother was and he didn’t disguise his praise either. He needed someone to talk to and after ‘feeling me out’ he realized I wouldn’t be judgmental about whatever he disclosed to me.
It turned out that he and his mother had left India when their involvement was discovered. Sara was married to an uncaring husband and had turned to Ravi early on. I had more than a passing interest in the details. Ravi told me, “My mother craved my affection and was always very physical with me. We shared our feelings and in time I felt comfortable telling her my fantasies. One late night when we were home alone and after a few beers I was telling her that oral sex was the most exciting thing for me and she just said, ‘would you like me to do that for you?’ I wasn’t that surprised and she ended up sucking me that night.”
I said, “Wait a minute…you just tell your mother a fantasy and she blows you?”
He laughed and he said, “Well it was a bit more complicated but really that’s what happened…more or less. That went on for the longest time but we never had other sex. She never even took off her sari. It wasn’t until almost maybe six months later that I finally had sex with her. I remember I came to her bed when my father was not home and told her I had to do it with her. She let me and from then on there wasn’t a minute that went by that we weren’t doing it or thinking about doing it. We were having suck a good time we. Then we got careless. My father’s sister caught us. We actually ran away that day and after a while ended up here.”
I confided in him what was going on between me and my mother and I wondered aloud what I could do. I told him I was becoming consumed with wanting her and jealous of this new guy in her life. He said maybe he’d talk it over with his mother and see what she would suggest. It would never have occurred to me but I was happy about the prospect.
About a week later he invited me over. Sara wasn’t in a sari as she sometimes was but had a plain white cotton dress on. It was thin enough to reveal the outlines of her breasts. I could tell by the darkened area, which I assumed were her nipples that she wasn’t wearing a bra. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and we sat around drinking Cobras and talked. She asked me straight out, “Why do want to make love to your mother?” I used a lot of words but basically it came down to a simple answer, I loved her. Sara said, “Okay I will help you.”
The next thing she asked was whether I was experienced in lovemaking. I hemmed and hawed and Sara said, “Okay…you know nothing…did you tell her how you feel about her?”
I said “No”.
Sara laughed. “Stupid boy…how can she know if you don’t tell her…and even if she knows you must tell her anyway. Anyway it is going to be easy for you because I know your mother.”
Ravi laughed also and said, “Yes it’s going to be easy for you because I also know my mother, don’t I mata?” Ravi went across to his mother and began unbuttoning her dress. She smiled and flushed as he exposed her mocha breasts with deep brown nipples. I had no idea what I was in for until Ravi motioned me over with his head and winked, “Don’t worry Rob, we’ve been planning this for a while”
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