I was supposed to see Paul in the evening, but he phoned
just beforehand and said he had a cold and couldn’t see
me. So I felt very disappointed, and then I thought ‘Well,
I’ll take him some grapes and stuff to cheer him up.’

So I bought a whole picnic of lovely cold food and books
and – oh, it makes me bitter when I remember. Anyway, I
rang the bell and he came to the door in just trousers and
he looked rather annoyed at first, then he smiled in a
rather sinister way and said, ‘Ah, Ameleia, just what we
wanted, some company.’

And then he led me through to the bedroom and – there was
another girl. All undressed and she had a horrible plastic
dildo-thing in her hand. I sort of choked and rushed back
but Paul caught me and Held me there, turned me around and
kissed me, and was very gentle and said, ‘No, don’t mind
her, come back,’ And then he said, ‘Anne, this is your new
playmate,’ and this horrible dykey girl came over to me
and put her arms around me as well, while Paul sort of
held me so I couldn’t go.

They both pulled my clothes off and she kept jamming her
breasts in my face and it was really bad. Then Paul held
my arms up behind my back so it really hurt while this
really tough girl, I’m sure she was a lesbian – felt all
down my front and… and, you know, with her fingers…
put her fingers inside me.

I can’t quite remember what happened then but the next
thing I knew I was on the bed – I think Paul had was
making love to me and I thought she’d gone away, but then
she reappeared and.. Well if you must know she sort of sat
down over my face, I mean she was naked and everything and
she was all wet, and then Paul was screwing me and saying
in this soft voice, ‘You must suck her, Ameleia. Go on. Go
on, be nice to Anne.’

And you know it was really peculiar because – I was enjoy-
ing him screwing me and I sort of almost wanted to do what
he said, you know, to this girl, and actually I couldn’t
help it because I was so powerless.

I don’t think I’m a lesbian. I can’t be a lesbian, can I?
It wasn’t my fault, I mean it was sort of rape, but if I’m
honest with myself, I have to admit the really awful thing
– that I did like it, the woman and everything. I mean
I actually enjoyed it!